I dreamed of a giant eraser. Or a life-like edit link or delete button.
That is why, today is unique. Because it coexists with yesterday. And is the possible cause of tomorrow.
So, let's do this again.
Hi, how was your day?
Not too good. I'm emotionally and mentally drained...
Yeah, mine too.
Why?
Same old, same old, you?
Yeah, same old, same old.
Still, there's something we can be thankful for, for today,
Yes, I think so. We do.
Sunshine, waves, laces, daisies and the sand...
Instead,
Blasted blahs. Me, me, me.
And then, zipped out. Clammed up. Buttoned up. Shut up.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
A Candid Cane
She used to be like me. Or so, she used to speak fiery and hurtful words, just like me. And when I said used to, it's obviously because she doesn't or can't find it in her old and tired self, to speak such words again.
Before, she could steadfastly walked with us from their antique house towards my cousins' place, a good 10-15 minute-walk with two lanky girls; one was all-girl get up while the other was boyish. The latter was me.
She would often scold us for playing with the kids nearby, because, they were a smelly bunch. We fear that she would be so frustrated with us that we have to finish the food she prepared even though me and my sister were full. And then later, Ate and I will throw up.
She had said brutally honest words with us, watching by her side. She cried when her mother died. She laughed when she feels like it. I have often wondered how she could be so candid about certain things and issues. I think she has mastered the art of brutal honesty. Saying what she thinks and feels, without even batting an eyelash.
I say this, but don't mean that she is a bad person. She holds our family together, binding us whenever we felt obligated to the point of making excuses, because we were so lazy (or just because) to see each other.
She once watched me while I was sleeping on the couch and gave one of her rarest claims; "Aba, maganda pala 'tong apo ko no?" I don't know, it may be old age...
And now, as she holds on to my arm for support while the other hand holds her cane, I think I have forgotten the words she once said to people she knew and cared for...even if they were spiteful and sometimes, hurtful to sensitive ears.
Her voice was trembling as she told me how difficult it was for her to see her food, the ground that she's walking on and she said, she can't even see my face anymore. She quietly thanked the Lord for prosperity however, she cannot stop telling herself, how hard it was already...maybe because, she was not used to being dependent on others. Just like me....
Silently, I know, we may have rebutted on some of the things she said before...and that made me think, it's not too late for a mean girl to slowly change. Just like her, nothing can be done overnight. Borrowing Fiona Apple's words, "I've been a bad, bad girl...". Plus, it doesn't mean you'll let go of candidness...after all, mataray ang lola ko. It's in the blood...
Before, she could steadfastly walked with us from their antique house towards my cousins' place, a good 10-15 minute-walk with two lanky girls; one was all-girl get up while the other was boyish. The latter was me.
She would often scold us for playing with the kids nearby, because, they were a smelly bunch. We fear that she would be so frustrated with us that we have to finish the food she prepared even though me and my sister were full. And then later, Ate and I will throw up.
She had said brutally honest words with us, watching by her side. She cried when her mother died. She laughed when she feels like it. I have often wondered how she could be so candid about certain things and issues. I think she has mastered the art of brutal honesty. Saying what she thinks and feels, without even batting an eyelash.
I say this, but don't mean that she is a bad person. She holds our family together, binding us whenever we felt obligated to the point of making excuses, because we were so lazy (or just because) to see each other.
She once watched me while I was sleeping on the couch and gave one of her rarest claims; "Aba, maganda pala 'tong apo ko no?" I don't know, it may be old age...
And now, as she holds on to my arm for support while the other hand holds her cane, I think I have forgotten the words she once said to people she knew and cared for...even if they were spiteful and sometimes, hurtful to sensitive ears.
Her voice was trembling as she told me how difficult it was for her to see her food, the ground that she's walking on and she said, she can't even see my face anymore. She quietly thanked the Lord for prosperity however, she cannot stop telling herself, how hard it was already...maybe because, she was not used to being dependent on others. Just like me....
Silently, I know, we may have rebutted on some of the things she said before...and that made me think, it's not too late for a mean girl to slowly change. Just like her, nothing can be done overnight. Borrowing Fiona Apple's words, "I've been a bad, bad girl...". Plus, it doesn't mean you'll let go of candidness...after all, mataray ang lola ko. It's in the blood...
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Dear Me!
I don't hate you because you're beautiful(or so you think). I hate you because you're stupid. By the way, you are not, beautiful. You are a *bleep*(edited due to the degree of evilness of the word).
Hate is a strong feeling. And because I am resolving my conflict with immaturity, I did not use the word despise. Recently, I was given a refresher by Life and Fate, about "unfair". Fate just told me that Life is not always fair, so I have to deal with it. I felt tired of complaining and talking about it...because I know what Life and Fate has just taught me.
Unfair is when something has happened that you felt and/or know is prejudiced and unjust. I am imagining a scale now tipping on its left side lower than the right one. That is so freaking hateful.
But, as far as the Java Man was concerned, he knew he had to be "unfair" for survival. I just don't want to survive. I want to live. One of the greatest quote from Wall-E. Three D and kiddie movie and programs really give out matured dialogues and quotes. You just have to be smart enough to catch some, if not all, of them.
So Java Man or men, or boys whatever, chose to be unfair...let's go back to my root cause analysis chamber. Here, the fundamentals of maturity plays a big role in my way of reasoning, thinking and sometimes, feeling.
Cause: I felt hatred
Why?: Because, Java Boys (I decided, they are boys, for now) are unfair.
Why?: Because they made a decision that seems to have been done out of sheer desperation
Why?: Because it seems that they're being overly-utilized for tasks (theirs? or not theirs?)
Endless whys...Gimme a break.
Maybe, I am just being selfish and childish. Or, I needed a kiss of appreciation. And since we are still here in the chamber of my matured self, I am plotting my game plan, although, this is not a game, I have no other terms for it. I will be wearing my reasoning cap along with my happy thoughts.
For all I know, you are a *bleep*(edited due to the degree of evilness of the word).
Hate is a strong feeling. And because I am resolving my conflict with immaturity, I did not use the word despise. Recently, I was given a refresher by Life and Fate, about "unfair". Fate just told me that Life is not always fair, so I have to deal with it. I felt tired of complaining and talking about it...because I know what Life and Fate has just taught me.
Unfair is when something has happened that you felt and/or know is prejudiced and unjust. I am imagining a scale now tipping on its left side lower than the right one. That is so freaking hateful.
But, as far as the Java Man was concerned, he knew he had to be "unfair" for survival. I just don't want to survive. I want to live. One of the greatest quote from Wall-E. Three D and kiddie movie and programs really give out matured dialogues and quotes. You just have to be smart enough to catch some, if not all, of them.
So Java Man or men, or boys whatever, chose to be unfair...let's go back to my root cause analysis chamber. Here, the fundamentals of maturity plays a big role in my way of reasoning, thinking and sometimes, feeling.
Cause: I felt hatred
Why?: Because, Java Boys (I decided, they are boys, for now) are unfair.
Why?: Because they made a decision that seems to have been done out of sheer desperation
Why?: Because it seems that they're being overly-utilized for tasks (theirs? or not theirs?)
Endless whys...Gimme a break.
Maybe, I am just being selfish and childish. Or, I needed a kiss of appreciation. And since we are still here in the chamber of my matured self, I am plotting my game plan, although, this is not a game, I have no other terms for it. I will be wearing my reasoning cap along with my happy thoughts.
For all I know, you are a *bleep*(edited due to the degree of evilness of the word).
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